I know I just posted last week’s a few minutes ago but this is to finally be on track.
I attended the silent weekend retreat this past weekend. Going into the retreat, I had no expectations of what it would be like and coming out of it, I was amazed by what I got to experience. I grew a new appreciation for walking meditation after the retreat. Walking really allowed me to absorb all the sounds around me and at the same time, really feel my legs that allow me to process the movement. I tuned in with the noise and unlike before where I would automatically develop a story in my head for the sounds I was hearing, I was able to just be with it and observed what is there. My mind never stopped having thoughts and I rediscovered something that I thought was really interesting. With these thoughts, came emotions. These emotions lasted even though the thoughts had gone away. There was a point where I had some feelings of anger and sadness and I really didn’t want to feel it or be with these feelings, so it was hard to be mindful and be in that present moment because I really didn’t want to be there. I didn’t like feeling these emotions. I found this intriguing because I never realized that I had all these emotions that could be induced simply by having the thought. I guess I just never felt or let the emotions get to me before. The silence we preserved throughout the retreat was calming and magical. I felt like it brought me to the simplest state of living. There was a moment in the day that I felt lonely because of this silence though. I think I felt lonely because I was really absorbed with my own mind. It was just me and all I had were my thoughts. Otherwise, the location of the retreat was beautiful and the environment that the two wonderful speakers built was something I am glad I got to take part in.
As for my daily practice, I have been standing to meditate first then I would shift into sitting. I feel that after attending the day long and the retreat, sitting for long periods of time has been quite easy for me. I have no issue with this and at first, I thought that extending the meditation time each week was going to be really hard to do. I always found it a bit easier to smoothly get into the rhythm of meditation in the beginning. This was difficult for me a few weeks before. The initial bump in the road is no longer a battle I have to fight.