When you’ve reached a certain age, there seems to be an expectation that you should have figured out what it is that you want to do with your life. At 23 with a bachelor’s degree under my belt, I’m expected to have a clear goal and direction of what kind of work I will be doing for the rest of my well, life. I am the victim as well as the perpetrator of the question, “what do you want to do with your life?” I begrudgingly provide a vague answer so that no further inquiries of what my plan is, is asked, and I ask others because I’m curious if they have it figured out and how they did it.
Even if I did have a plan, I never really like to share it. Not that I’m selfish or trying to be secretive, I just feel that if I tell people what I want to do, it becomes an expectation and if I don’t accomplish this expectation, then it seems that I failed. That’s the one thing, I don’t like expectations because it comes with a lot of pressure and consequential entities.
I’ve recently discovered the refreshing expression from my desires. It’s still feels like an expectation, but only from and for myself. I’m not afraid to share my plan anymore because I feel like sharing it allows me to reinforce the goal for myself and allow others to see that I’m not just floating on a cloud that sways wherever the wind wants.
Even though right now it feels that I know what I want, I still have fear. My fear is that this is permanent. I don’t want to rush into gaining what I want just yet, because after I get what I want, it will be for the rest of my life. I’m not sure if it is a committing issue or because I just don’t want to rush into it, but I don’t understand why there is so much pressure to obtaining our goals so early. Maybe it’s because this isn’t all that I want or exactly what I want, but what I do know is, if this is what I want, I’m not worried because I will eventually get it. I guess people want to maximize the amount of time doing what they want. I just feel like there will be too much time for it and I will eventually get bored and I don’t want that. Maybe I’m a type of masochist because I like to struggle for longer than others. I feel like the struggle gives me a sense of purpose. Maybe it’s just the greed in me and insatiable thirst for happiness, but I feel like I will still feel the need to get something even after I’ve gotten where I want to be.