On an episode of 30 Rock I recently watched, Jack meets a woman and realizes he is one of the many pokemon she has. At the end of this episode, Lemon raised the question of the possibility of getting everything we need from person, or is that’s what friends are for? I’ve thought about this a lot and I was glad to see that others think about this, too.
The idea of soulmate and “the one” is popular, especially among the hopeless romantics. I used to think there is one person out there that matches me, that aligns with all my wants and me, theirs. I thought this because there are so many people in this world and there are only so many variations in thinking or personalities, there must be a match. However, I am not so sure anymore. I like the possibility that there can be multiple people in your life that can fulfill your needs and be outlets of comfort. I also like the idea that there is one person that you can share everything with and spend all your days together. Maybe this person can be “the one” and also your soulmate. If we’re lucky enough to find one person who can fulfill all the different arenas of needs, more power to them. Having multiple people in your life doesn’t mean you’re not loyal or faithful. These other people who provide different outlets and let your different sides thrive, they can be friends and even mere acquaintances. I think people get blinded by the idea that it has to be a love interest. I think love helps because it allows the person to stay and being committed entails a realm of obligations and even responsibilities and expectations.
It’s like when people ask me if I have a best friend. I usually hesitate and say no because I have multiple super close friends that I guess would be considered best friends, but they are all different. They know different aspects of my life and for a certain person, I feel more comfortable sharing things than others. There’s just not one single person I tell every single thing too. I think that’s too much. Maybe it’s me trying to keep power low, but if I tell someone everything, that’s giving them too much power. Maybe it’s my skepticism or trust issues with people, but I don’t think I can wholeheartedly depend on just one person. I’ve just been disappointed by people a lot recently. But this is actually my own problem because I just kind of have these expectations that I know I should not have and are totally unreasonable. People are difficult, and they are even more difficult when there is history and they are close.
The beauty about humans is that we are all so different. Everyone has something different to offer. Expecting one person to bring all the things you desire to the table want is not ideal. Even if it’s possible and that did happen, their hands would be so full and hearts overwhelmed. There needs to be some sort of balance among all these relationships. There can’t just be one relationship in your life that encompasses everything. I know that is probably the dream. Humans are social creatures and we all like parties. While I yearn for one person I can always count on and do simple thing with me, I know it’s not ideal and fair. There’s too much dependency.
Sometimes I dislike being so dependent on people because I feel like I need them more than they need me. I can’t help it though and I’m not sure if it’s better to just be more dependent on one person or separate my fuel of social needs on various people. I think I prefer the latter because at least it’ll be okay to take a break from different relationships for a bit. It’s important to have this balance of outlets in your life. To have your family, your friendships, romantic relationship, professional relationships, etc. all be different is ok. It gives us more room to err if we are not so happy with a certain one, but it’s also nice if there was someone to stand beside you through all this.
I overthink this a lot because I become misnathropic when people disappoint me, but I can’t deny people’s amazing power to make me desire their companionship.