Knowledge is the trophy that we can always earn.

It’s that time of year I stress about how fast time has passed and feel anxious about what the future will look like. This year, I’m especially more anxious because I decided to apply to grad school. Though I have quite the low confidence of an acceptance, I still have high hopes for a change. I’ve been letting it consume my thoughts. The possibilities of all aspects of my life being changed, given just one opportunity. Again, I will be able to transition and gain a new, more permanent lifestyle. I think this is what I fear the most. I fear stagnant, but I also fear the extreme change. I’m not sure which one I prefer. I guess my preferences changes with time.

I know I’ll be okay no matter the outcome. I have a win-win case. Nevertheless, one win seems it may escalate a series of prideful wins. I like winning.

Despite all of these things I tell myself in order to keep me from feeling disappointed regardless of where I end up, I can’t shut these thoughts and anticipation of how great it would be to get accepted. That’s the painful part. I’ll create all these expectations in my head and I have no control of bringing it into my reality. I have to hope and basically rely and wait on the views of others. It’s so unstable and frightening, dependence on others.

I’m learning to embrace the idea that if I want something enough, I will find my way to get it. Even if my way may not be a conventional way, a simple way, a pretty way, or even a sensible way, it’s a way that will get me to where I want to be. Sometimes people who take the conventional ways don’t end up where they want to be anyway. Being is a state of mind that only you can fulfill. I think as long as we learn from all the experiences in our life, we are always winning. Knowledge is the reward.

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About Lynn Vo

I am just another mind with a laptop and fingers that type out the thoughts that invade my brain. I like to share these thoughts because it's extremely selfish of me to keep these thoughts open to only one person who has access to it. Share your thoughts with me and I'll keep them safe.
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