It’s March, the best time of every year. Well, best and maybe worst. It starts pretty well and it could end either even better or downright awful. For me, March always ends nicely because it pretty much ends with my birthday. It allows me to reflect the previous years and celebrate the new years to come. But as I get older, my birthday feels more of a forceful celebration than one I am eager for to come.
This year, I am surrounded by great news from friends, family, coworkers, and just acquaintances. People are getting into academic programs to further their education and pursue professional careers, getting matched for residencies for their respective health professions, moving somewhere to start what would be their career, being proposed to and proposing themselves, thus being engaged, and just simple news of planning their next trip. All these news revolve around a life event that celebrates what is to come. This is why they are great news, because it can be expected to happen now.
Despite all the cheers and happiness I have exhibited in reaction to all of the amazing and respectable news I have been informed of, I cannot help but feel envious of these news. I’m envious mostly because I am still waiting for my good news. When I say waiting, I mean more of hoping. Right now, news seem to be up in the air, but I feel that the news isn’t too high but just above me but I cannot seem to grasp it. I’m not sure what type of news it will be that’s why. I can only hope for the one that matches the kind of news that surrounds me. And that is probably the thing I fear most.
It’s this month of March that I should know. The anticipation is driving me nuts and the news of others is overwhelming me because it just feels that everyone is moving on and I am idly sitting by in the same place and will be in the same place when their move is complete. I’m filled with two extreme emotions these past few weeks and it’s tearing my emotional spectrum thinner and wider than I can flex. My heart is warmed by the successes of my friends and the commitments my friends are making. My mind though is rushed by the anxiety that I have for my own successes and commitments.
I try to convince myself to accept either outcome. My head is clear about the choices but desire is always making it more difficult to collect myself and keep calm. Anyhow, time is my worry and time is also the the factor that I can’t control. I’m just waiting and hoping, but also planning.
On another note, happy 84th birthday to my grandma who I always miss and remember the most. This is our zodiac year and I always pray that you are happy wherever you are and know that you are always looking out for your family. Thanks for always being my stable and my home direction.